fear

The Grown-Up World

May 7, 2015 in Alive Campus, Career

GraduationAs I’m about to graduate college in about a week, I’ve come to the realization that I will be entering the adult world. I finished my last exam yesterday and it was one of the best feelings in the world! I’m done with my undergraduate studies! What a huge accomplishment, especially at a military college. However, that night it hit me like a brick wall…I’m about to enter the real world and I will be on my own.

I don’t think that anyone can really prepare you for that moment. No one really tells you that you will be on your own figuring out your life and how to live it. Up until now you’ve had the comfort of a daily routine of school since you were five years old. Now you have to get a job, pay taxes, pay for an apartment, a car, insurance, groceries. You have to learn how to cook, do laundry, and find your way in life and there is nothing scarier than that.

When I came to that realization last night, I questioned whether or not I was ready. But are we ever ready? For me, I’m not a big fan of change. It scares me. Plus, I have the mindset that if something isn’t broke then why fix it? But at the same time, I think it’s the shove into adulthood that we all need. Since I haven’t experienced it yet, I don’t know what it will be like and they always say don’t let your fears overcome your ability to try something new. You have to step outside of your comfort zone in order to do great things and live your life and that is so important to remember. I think I often let my fears and insecurities get in the way of what I can do and I’m sure other people are the same way.

Once we overcome those insecurities and realize that, yes the adult world might be scary, but we all have to face it, then we can push forward and live the life we deserve. No one wants to live an unhappy life, but if you give up after failing so many times then you will be miserable. The quitters never win and the winners never quit. If anything else you always have to remember that.

So for all those seniors about to graduate you are not the only ones facing the anxiety of the adult world. There are thousands of others in the same position as you. We are all uncertain and scared, and if you aren’t then kudos to you! But for those of us who are, everything will work out in the end, as long as you keep trying. When you have admitted defeat is when you have let the adult world win. But just remember, it’s only as scary as you make it. Plus, you have to fake it till you make it! Confidence is key, but you’ve made it this far so there is no stopping you now!

Fearless in the College Days

February 14, 2014 in Alive Campus, Colleges, Love

I think we’ve all had that feeling before. That feeling you get when you sense danger or feel threatened.
The feeling you get when the hairs on your arm stick up and sickness sets deep in your stomach and your heart begins to flutter a mile a minute.
I think we have all ran into that feeling that fuels are choices, decisions and motives.
I think it’s safe to say we have all danced with fear once or twice in our lives or maybe for some of us it’s a routine waltz.
I wish I could tell you I have always lived a fearless life—sashaying on stages in front of hundreds of people for a crown and sash and writing vulnerable thoughts in a book for the entire world to see but I used to live quite the opposite life.
Most of my college days I have seemed to live in fear and fear alone.
Fearing rejection, fearing failure, fearing memories, fearing people and fearing the one thing I loved to live for—love itself.
But fear is almost inevitable considering it’s the catalyst for almost everything we face on a daily basis.
When we have been hurt or burned repeatedly in the past we put guards up and build walls in fear of getting hurt ever again.
And that is exactly what I did. 
School had taken a back seat and life was more of drive from the passenger’s seat than from the steering wheel.
But spring semester had welcomed many things into my life but the most memorable were the unpredictable, gray weather, a messy breakup and a new friend named Alejandro.
Little did I know that the depressing weather and a broken heart would lead me to a published book but it also inhabited a hidden and scared lifestyle.
I was scared to trust people. I didn’t want to get burned or feel disappointed. I no longer wanted to rely on happiness from others. I didn’t want to build relationships whether it was friendship on campus or something more.
I didn’t want to count on anyone but myself.
So that’s what I did or at least that’s what I tried to do but my new friend, Alejandro had something different in mind.
Alejandro was kind, funny and witty. He was also a big man on campus and well liked by all.
I enjoyed talking to him. The days I felt like just keeping to myself, Alejandro would still insist on trying to incorporate me in his life despite my hermit crab behavior.
My wall grew bigger and stronger and I pushed and pushed and pushed him away.
But he never gave up.
Six months of his endless patience, unconditional kindness and warm encouragement and a week of realizing that Alejandro was no longer a friend had brought me to my final battle with fear.
I realized that the fear of losing him altogether was now greater than the fear of loving him and possibly finding myself in the same spot I did on that rainy day in March.
Fear has a funny way of directing your life, controlling your decisions and fueling your motives.
For myself, fear pushed the one person I needed most in my life but also brought me right back to where I needed and deep down wanted to be. Whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not.
Sometimes are gut feeling and the familiar feeling of fear does end up saving us from danger but sometimes it handicaps us from the life we deserve.
Just because we’ve been burned in the past doesn’t mean we should shut out the world completely because despite all the pain out there—there are still incredible people worth risking your heart for.
My once new friend that never gave up on me even seeing every fear I possessed in my heart is now the best and most favorite part of my life. He is my other half, my best friend and most importantly the man of my life.
Don’t let fear dictate your life but let it fuel you to live a life you deserve.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”